


Christmas Yachts and Distinctly Un-fluffy Towels

by inkreservoir



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Children, Alternate Universe - Parents, Alternate Universe - Related, Crack, Family, Humor, M/M, Married Life, Took Wataru's comment about Keito being a jealous sister-in-law too literally
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 19:44:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20069545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inkreservoir/pseuds/inkreservoir
Summary: "If you're going to blame someone, blame Yuzuru," Eichi shrugs at Keito, who glares back at him."I'll have you know I do blame Yuzuru," he insists. "But is Yuzuru going around sending Tori goddamn yacht ownership papers as a fucking Christmas present, Eichi? No. He isn't."





	Christmas Yachts and Distinctly Un-fluffy Towels

**Author's Note:**

> Silly AU where Eichi and Wataru are married, and Keito and Yuzuru are married, and Tsukasa is Eichi and Wataru's kid, and Tori is Keito and Yuzuru's kid. This basically came out of asking "What if Keito literally was Wataru's jealous sister-in-law?" thanks to Wataru's silly comment in Cinderella.
> 
> Rated for swearing and violent language (thanks Keito).

There's no sound more distinctive than that of Tori whining, and no plea more earnest than that of a parent trying to convince his relatives to _ stop spoiling him, for the love of God._ Keito gives Eichi credit for a lot of things, but Eichi still can't control the weather, and it's hardly _ his _ fault that it snowed in, leaving he and Wataru no choice but to stay the night.

... That said, Eichi wouldn't be shocked if Wataru decided to reveal that _ he _ controls the weather, and that this was all part of his plan, though Wataru refuses to confirm or deny the theory when Eichi whispers it to him in the guest bed the first night. 

The request is completely unreasonable, anyway. How does one know Tori and _ not _ feel an urgent need to spoil him? Besides, it's not like Keito and Yuzuru don't do more than their fair share of spoiling Tsukasa, though he admittedly reacts to it a lot better than Tori does. Well, publicly, anyway. Well... he _ tries_, is the point. Unlike Tori.

"If you're going to blame someone, blame Yuzuru," Eichi shrugs at Keito, who glares back at him. 

"I'll have you know I _ do _ blame Yuzuru," he insists. "But is Yuzuru going around sending Tori goddamn yacht ownership papers as a fucking Christmas present, Eichi? No. He isn't."

"That's not fair at all, you guys don't even celebrate Christmas so of course he isn't," Eichi traces circles on Keito's kitchen counter and can feel Yuzuru glaring at him from the other side of the house for ruining the polished surface. Or, well, maybe he's not glaring, since he loves having work to do, since he's a masochistic weirdo. But it makes sense. Only a masochistic weirdo would marry Keito.

"Are you actually that dense or are you missing the point on purpose to piss me off?"

"The latter."

Eichi is also a masochistic weirdo. Keito smacks his forehead, or he tries to.

"Wh--?"

"Amazing! ☆" Wataru shouts, snatching back the soft purple cushion he somehow managed to shove between Keito's hand and his face. "I have saved the Right Hand from his right hand!"

Eichi giggles and Keito glares at Wataru. "That's so stupid."

"Hey, Keito, maybe don't call him stupid when he just rescued you?"

"Thank you, Eichi, for understanding!" Wataru beams. "Although, the boring, jealous brother-in-law may, of course, refer to me however he pleases!"

"Well, it is all good fun," Eichi says, although Keito's beef with Wataru is absolutely not all just good fun. "Anyway, can you lower your voice? The children are sleeping."

Wataru bows his head and sits on the stool beside Eichi obligingly. Allowing children to sleep is basically the only thing that can convince him to lower his volume without making a joke about it. 

"Well, it's not like you have to be silent, either," Eichi reassures him, and Keito sighs his disapproval, closing the cupboard after he's put away the last dry dish. "Where is Yuzuru anyway?" Eichi asks, changing the subject.

"Where else? Telling Tori a bedtime story, obviously."

"Oh that's so cute," Eichi says, like he doesn't ask Wataru for bedtime stories more often than Tsukasa does. Wataru grins, apparently reading Eichi's mind, but what else is new, and Eichi swings his leg to kick him lightly under the counter. His slipper falls off his foot and he frowns, sliding down a little to fish it back on. Wataru's feet are flat against the wooden floor and it's almost a little annoying how tall he is.

"Anyway," Keito says, turning on the sink to wash his hands with jasmine-scented soap. "And this goes for you too, Hibiki--"

"You can call him Wataru, you know?" Eichi interrupts. "It's been over ten years, Keito."

Keito dries his hands. "Has it occurred to you, Eichi, that I call him by his surname not out of formality, but because I dislike him?"

"Has it occurred to you, Keito," Eichi retorts and Keito rolls his eyes. "That I'm perfectly aware of that, but it's excessively rude?"

"It's fine, Eichi!" Wataru says as Keito reaches for the kettle of water that's definitely very hot at this point. "I wouldn't wish to deprive my sworn rival of his right to free speech!"

Eichi huffs and Keito preoccupies himself with brewing tea instead of replying. His house is always so fragrant, burning incense and old papers and dark soil for the potted plants he and Yuzuru grow. It's homey in a distinct way that no place without Keito can be, and even though the snow outside is so high Eichi can't even see out the dark windows when he presses his face flush to them it's as warm inside as it always is. 

Keito dries his hands on a distinctly un-fluffy towel (Eichi makes a mental note to buy them some fluffy ones, for Tori's sake if no one else's), and turns back to them with folded arms. 

"Stop spoiling him so much," Keito commands. "It's not good for him, he acts so rotten lately and I _ know _ it's you two's fault."

"Whatever do you mean, Right Hand?" Wataru asks, leaning back on the stool so that it's balancing on one leg. Eichi's eyes go wide, and he ignores his impulse to press Wataru's thigh back down in favour of watching instead. It's not like he's going to fall.

"Can you _ stop it _?" Keito snaps.

"It's so impressive, though," Eichi frowns.

"Impressive, you s--" Wataru starts and Keito interrupts him with a loud "Fine, and if he falls and cracks his skull open on my floors then I expect you to pay the cleaning bill for the blood."

Wataru tsks. "The children are asleep, you should lower your voice."

"Okay, okay!" Eichi waves his hands, and Keito throws his arms up indignantly. "Go back to whining about us spoiling your kid, Keito."

"Right, I-- _ whining?! _"

"Lecturing!" Eichi corrects himself quickly. "Or, you know, whatever, just stop threatening my boyfriend."

"_ He's _ the one-- you know what," Keito pinches the bridge of his nose. "Fine, whatever. You're always going to take his side anyway."

"Well, it's a good side," Eichi shrugs. Wataru hums, still balancing on the one chair leg, though at some point he apparently started juggling the candles that make up the counter centerpiece.

"For fuck's sake!" 

"Quit swearing," Eichi reprimands him. "And Wataru, please put the candles back."

Wataru tosses them and Keito looks about to scream when they land softly back in the exact positions they were in before. He raises his eyebrows at Keito and Eichi giggles. 

"... I'm done with you two," Keito grumbles, scowling. "Just go to bed, already. And take back the fucking yacht."

"No way are we taking back the yacht," Eichi stands up, grateful for Wataru's ability to be so annoying that Keito loses all his drive to force them to listen to lectures that can last any length of time between half an hour and literal days. "Goodnight, Keito."

Wataru springs up and Eichi waits for the loud crash of the stool meeting the ground again, but it comes as a barely audible thud instead. Wataru is still so ridiculously cool.

"Goodnight, Eichi," Keito resigns, and Eichi and Wataru leave the kitchen.


End file.
